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@ikneadthetruth

Liam

ikneadthetruth

Significant made up nonsense. Also available in person. Blogs @ ikneadthetruth Writes/performs/does. Comedy?

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Love an awkward pause
Facemasks are so painful. How much of your skin is meant to peel off when you do this? What's with that? #nopainnogain #facepain
BREAKING: Goose at door needs invite before stepping inside.  This is the last photograph taken by a Pembrokeshire couple found dead early today.  Found with the bodies was an audio recording of the couple welcoming a goose into their house. "Knock knock, honey, there's a goose at the door," said local man Henry Quaker on discovering a goose waiting in the threshold of his porch.  In the recording, his wife Janet replies: "Better let him in," adding, "You know what them goose is like!" The couple was later found dead with a series of serated bite marks on their necks. Police are looking for leads.  For any information please contact I Knead The Truth.  #news #goose #spoof #jokes
Happy St George's Day. Don't forget to go round displaying your passport at all the checkpoints, boil your haggis tonight until it bursts to let out all the ghoulies, and of course it's bad luck to pass the first leek you see without stapling it to your hat. And lastly remember to wear green or everyone at school is entitled to pinch your arms!  #saintsdays #stgeorge #stpatrick #stdavid #standrew #weargreen #england
BREAKING: It's hot. The general consensus is that it's really hot, reports say. Various sources have confirmed to I Knead The Truth's lead weather correspondent that it is indeed hot. One amateur meteorologist went as far as to claim that it is "unseasonably warm." "There is evidence to suggest there is more weather of this nature to come," said the meteorologist. . .  For all the latest updates onbthe weather, see your local social media timeline or if you have nothing better to do visit ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com . .  #hotweather #summer #itshot #climatechange #sunsunsun
BREAKING: Bear spotted cheering on polevaulters.  An adult bear watched tearfully on as the commonwealth polevaulting competition got under way.  The bear, who failed to qualify for the Canadian team, made the trip to Australia to support his fellow compatriots. "I'm just happy to see everyone competing at the top of their game," said the bear who added he hoped to qualify for the polevaulting at the next Olympics. . More nonsense at ikneadthetruth. . #commonwealthgames #sports #atheltics #bear #mascot  #polevaulting
BREAKING: In today's episode we look at a discarded bag for life and ask how old is your oldest bag and do you intend to keep it for life? Have you left any plastic bags to your grandchildren in your will? Do you not worry that this might cause some sort of family feud on your passing which may lead to a series of mysterious murders and several possible related perpetrators with valid motives? Get in touch! . Catch all the latest news on ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com . #rubbish #recycling #environmentallyfriendly #bagforlife #greenliving #consciousliving
BREAKING RUBBISH NEWS: In today's ep we look at one man's lifelong sentimental trash collection. Do you have a #personaltrashcollection that you get all bleary-eyed over? (And it's not just the stench honest!) Get in touch! .  For more trash see ikneadthetruth. Link in bio. Follow @churchofphil  #trash #rubbish #collection #cleanair #aluminum #rubbishart #recycling #environment #comedy #improv #savetheplanet #earth #mccafe #soholondon
BREAKING RUBBISH NEWS: in this latest episode we look at a discarded bottle of pop created by the king of pop himself, the famous GP Dr Pepper who, when he wasn't poking thermometers in sick people's ears, could be found in his suburban kitchen experimenting with various miscellaneous fruit blends until eventually he discovered the perfect mix which we now know and love and dispose of by chucking carelessly out of our car windows. . For more stuff see ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com  #rubbish #binit #environment #nature #vegan #nomoreplastic #plasticocean #savetheplanet #drpepper #misunderstood #reducereuserecycle #plasticwaste #recycle
Bath: a city of old asylums for young females, flipper feet, and pub quizzes that require a time machine to take part #bath #romanbath #ancientbath #bathtime #cityofbath
BREAKING: Question man always wondered now answered in concise informative plaque. .. For more informative knowledge, not always delivered concisely, see ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com  #fatberg #questions #environment #greenplanet #ecosystem #sewersoflondon  #museumoflondon
BREAKING RUBBISH NEWS: in today's episode we take a look at a discarded reduced meat packet. Plenty more where this came from... See ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com forball the latest something .. #recycling #rubbish #news #environmentallyfriendly #environment #trashtalk #comedy
Easter egg hunt
BREAKING RUBBISH NEWS: In our latest episode we look at the discarded packaging for a spanner. ... For more up to the minute nonsense see ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com ... #rubbish #recycling #diy #environment #binit #littering #comedy #news
BREAKING: Man just having a sit down by a wall of moss, eating some smog, catching the breeze.  A man has been seen sitting down on a bench by a wall made entirely of moss, absorbing a generous helping of Great British pollution, reports say.  Sources suggest the hungry green wall, in Picadilly Circus, is steadily consuming 200 cubic feet of smog a minute, and experts say this could mean that within 10 years London's streets may be free of 200 cubic feet of smog for up to one minute.  Mayor of London Sadiq Khan said: "We look forward to those 60 seconds of clean air a decade from now." ... For more like this (?) and my terribly daft microsoft paint pictures, which i take a lot of pride in (seriously) see ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com ... #cleanair ##smog #pollution #greenspace #environment #london #mosswall #spotthepigeon
BREAKING RUBBISH NEWS: in this latest episode we take a look at a discarded cup of mccoffee and wonder what wonders this paper vessel once contained. .  For more stupid nonsense see ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com. .. #recycling #rubbish #litter #environment #environmentalism #naturalworld #mcdonalds #crappucino #coffee #artisan #savetheplanet #saveourplanet
BREAKING: Man lies about age to apply for life insurance.  A man clearly in his mid-40s was caught on television lying about his age in order to successfully apply for life insurance, reports heard.  Michael Jupiter, 44, claimed he was 32 when asked questions about his lifestyle by an insurance customer assistant over the phone.  The unecessary and blatant lie was captured on camera but the insurance company phone operative insisted they took Mr Jupiter "at his word", but conceded in hindsight that the father of 2 was unlikely to be younger than 40 unless he truly had been "ravaged by the burden of time". For more nonsense of this nature see ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com  #fakenews #joke #lies #spoof #satire #absurd #hesobviouslynot32 #stupidadvert
RUBBISH NEWS: in this latest episode of things discarded by the side of the road we take a look at a trail of diet cola cans left out seemingly so that the perpetrator can find their way home. .  For more nonsense and MS Paint drawings see ikneadthetruth.wordpress.com  #recycling #rubbish #littering #environment #nature #improv

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