I was getting my daughter to sleep last night when she started to cry. She was inconsolable. Nothing I could do made her feel better. She needed to cry and I needed to let her. . The problem for me was that it brought up my own sadness. She managed to get out in between wails that she was the only kid at school who didn't have a sibljng. She felt a huge injustice had been done, it was so unfair, and she hated that she didn't have anyone she could play with. It broke my heart and filled my eyes with sadness. . What could I do about it? I had been unable to conceive for years, and then was to be blessed with two rounds of IVF. The first round failed so I did everything I could to help make my body: I watched what I ate healthy, drank, exercised, did affirmations, slept more, went to a naturopath, hypnotherapy, destressed.. everything. . When I went for the last chance IVF, my life paused for 3 weeks while I nurtured, loved, cared for what could be. The days dragged on while I waited for the phonecall from the clinic. Eventually my phone showed their number, I almost didn't answer. I had a flood of all the worst case scenarios I could think of, even ones that weren't even relevant came flooding in. . The excited voice on the other side of the call made all that vanish as they claimed I was pregnant! Almost 8 years later, another failed expensive IVF attempt for a sibling, I find myself with a strong-willed, determined, assertive, emotionally charged child who has no concept entirely of the history. . Without blame, she was pleading with me to help her to feel less lonely, to be less different, to have a life a little less 'unfair'. As her mother, I am pulled to help, to save her from feeling so sad, bit all I could do, was to give her the space to feel her sadness and to give myself the space to work through my own grief. . To have denied ourselves the chance to feel the sadness, would have been denying us the chance to connect with our hurts, and thereby denying the
Yes, you are. . . No doubt about it. You ARE enough. You ARE good enough. . . I was uploading a blog post to my lauraalonewolf.com/blog/drones page and it got me thinking about self-esteem. And how much of our own self-value and self-belief we base on what others think or say or feel about us... and how we feel when we are excluded from the 'in crowd'? . . As my blog goes on to say, this has happened all my life in so many different ways. And even as an adult, I should know better, right? Wrong. As an adult, we are still that same child being bullied, or being left out, or trying so hard to be recognised yet still being ignored. . . There comes a time though, when we have to go deep inside and deal with this. Because in all reality, we are good enough, we are enough, we are awesome. What other people think is their problem. It is their judgement that says more about themselves than it does about us. . . It is time we made peace with our past. And to march forward into our present and our future with enough self-belief, enough self-love, enough light in our life to bolster anyones self-esteem. . . We are enough. And as long as we believe it, we will always be enough. . . ❤
This has got to be my life lesson because no matter what I do to try and learn it, overcome it, achieve it, ignore it, something always happens to test it... over... and over... again. . . I simply can't get away from it at the moment. And even when I try my positive affirmations, my visualisations, my higher vibration-type stuff I still seem to get nailed by another opportunity for learning to master my patience. . . I must have been like this from a child because I can still hear my mother's voice in my ears saying how much patience was a virtue and then insinuating on top of all this by finishing off that saying, that I was a girl too who didn't wash her face :) . . How I made it this far in life, I may never know. But what I do know, is that when I can practice the art of patience, and I am present in the moment, and I have set aside all my eagerness and determination for everything to move a whole lot quicker in my life; that I do experience a sense of peace. . . This sense of peace comes with being mindful, raising my vibration, being more positive and focusing on just going with the flow of the universe than on trying to make it bow down to my time pressures. . . Because in the grand scheme of it all, time doesn't exist except in our reality, right? Therefore it has no meaning to the Universe or to God or to whatever power you believe in. The only thing that matters is our perception of it, so if I can find a way to release its hold on me, then I may finally conquer my life lesson of learning to be patient. And maybe, just maybe, gain a bit of wisdom through the process. . . Much love ❤
Three words. So simple, yet so damn hard to accomplish. . . I've been investing a serious amount of my time in receiving and accepting messages, in trusting what it is that they are saying, and on trying to do what they suggest I should be doing. . . It is not always easy. I have spent the most part of my life, believing that life is what happens to me, that I am not in full control, that for whatever reason, i needed to have the toughest life out. . . I am now trying to change the very essence of my self-taught belief from victim to victor, from cowering and buckling under the pressure of life, to making a stand, for myself. Standing tall and strong in the face of whatever my life path has in store for me. . . Where I now start to take on the belief that I am in charge, that I hold my own reigns, that I can decide my own destiny. No longer to be governed by those who dull my light, who quash my dreams, who sabotage my success. . . I am now free. And in the process that I see unfolding slowly before my eyes, I am trying to trust. . . ❤
Be the Light... . . This is for a reminder for myself I guess. I'm feeling flat and emotionally removed from life and am not really 100% sure why. . . It could be the come down from the mental preparedness and physical training for the competition yesterday, it could be that I am not feeling as energised as I possibly should, it could be that I'm not passionate about my work at the moment, it could be a fear of how to make ends meet, it could be that I just want to immerse myself in my new direction of life and get on with it... . . Truth is, it is probably ALL of the above. Mixed with a whole dash of impatience and a few drop of frustration. . . All of this combined, leads to a soul who is operating from a lower vibration than they should be, who's light isn't as bright as it could be, who is procrastinating instead of taking action, and who is fumbling around wasting time in the dark. . . I realise that it is my responsibility to myself, and to the rest of the world, to shed all these feelings of darkness and to fuel my own flame, my own light, my own energy; to pick own self off the ground, dust off the hurt and place a few more logs on my own fire. . . I need to be my own light. To shine my own way forward. And perhaps in doing so, cast a bit of extra light for others to follow. Be The Light.
It has been my mission lately to try and prove to myself that 'anything is possible'. . . I have been the biggest unbeliever through my life of the Law of Attraction, in thoughts having weight and or energy, in being control of our own reality, or being able to decide what our life looks like... . . But, I am now being pulled in the direction of spirituality, spiritual awareness, a belief in the source, of lightwork, starseeds, humanitarian work, life mission and soul work. . . It is extending my understanding of life and its process, where I came from, why I feel so strongly that I don't belong here, but also why I am suddenly being dragged at a million miles an hour towards improving myself. . . I have chosen to start focusing on being, thinking and feeling positive, trusting the process and going with the flow that if I truly believe and 100% change my energies and start functioning at a higher vibration, that not only will I improve my own life, but I will also somehow improve the lives of those around me. . . So, yes, I am choosing to believe that anything is possible. That I can effect change in my life. That by starting with myself, I can one atom at a time, start effecting change in the rest of the world. And if there is a moment of chance that I can do this, then do it I must. . . Anything is possible if we start.
Express Yourself. For too many years I've been silenced. My thoughts, opinions, feelings... all stifled and oppressed. . . No one placed value on my words, and on what I had to contribute. No one wanted to hear what I had to say and if I did get the chance to speak, my words came out on broken syllables, or with tears of frustration, in any non-sensical way. . . As time wore on, I gave up the fight. I felt that what I had to say wasn't important enough, that it had no substance, that I didn't know enough to even bother to open my mouth let alone try and formulate anything of worth. . . I became quiet and withdrawn, prone to outbursts of anger and frustration. My thoughts, opinions, feelings all imprisoned in my brain and my body with no effective outlet or suitable form of expression. . . It impacted on my emotions, my thoughts, my self-esteem, my confidence, my social ability, my physical body. I was unable to form and maintain friendships, I was overweight, unhappy, incredibly depressed and so unable to see the joy and light of love and life. . . Relationships in my life (granted, not all) have taught me through their criticism and judgement of me that these feelings were all true, they validated them instead of seeing my pain and anguish and helping me to blossom and to feel that I could safely express myself. One person even took it so far as to grip my throat so tightly with their hands so that they could assert their control over me. . . It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from, what you do, what race or religion you hold, what sexuality you identify with... you still have a voice, you still are entitled to express yourself in a way that is authentic and you deserve to be heard. . . Don't EVER let anyone make you feel that your thoughts, opinions, feelings do not matter. . . They do.
It's taken me a lifetime to be able to say "choose happy". . . But driving through the countryside today, I realised that by choosing to be happy, to feel happy, to think happy, to exist as happy... that I am drawing happy to me. . . Too much of my life has been spent in the dark, feeling dark, thinking dark, being dark. I've been so close to the worst depths of despair, that all I could see was dark. No light at the end of the tunnel, no flickering candlelight, nothing. . . So this was somewhat of a revelation to me to be saying that I choose happy and one I felt compelled to share. It is so empowering and gives you a sense of control over you life as opposed to being a victim to it. You should try it! . . It's not easy. Not at all. But I think if we can change our mindset, then maybe, just maybe it will make a positive difference not only in our lives, but in the rest of the world too. . . Click on the web link in my bio to read more about my journey through life ❤
I've heard that the number one human survival instinct is to resist change. . . Change requires adaptation, behaviour modification, learning of new skills, acceptance of new environments, welcoming in of new people... . . It can be threatening, scary, overpowering, cause conflict within ourselves, create stress and fear. . . But if nothing changes, how do we learn, how do we grow, how do we become open to new circumstances and experiences? . . It is through the process of change, that seeds are sown allowing us to grow into who we came here to be, and to do what we came here to do. We should embrace change, welcome it into our lives, and immerse ourselves in the chaos that pursues. . . For without chaos, status quo remains. No walls are broken down, no beliefs dismantled, no relationships repaired, no passions found, no comfort zones breached. Just day to day living the same life day in and day out. . . Trust the process of change. . . It is inevitable.
People aren't always aware of their actions... . . I used to trust that everyone acted from a place of honesty, transparency and kindness. But life has an incredible way of demonstrating that this isn't always the case. . . I try to be the kind of person I would like to deal with. I don't always get it right, but every time I fail, I learn from it and I try to do better the next time. . . Not everyone in the world is like this, and that needs to be accepted for now. Perhaps they vibrate at a different frequency, or operate from a place of hurt, or come with intentions of creating drama and heartache for others. . . We never really know. So until such time as everyone understands cause and effect, action and result, we need to move forward without fear and send love and forgiveness to those that try to bring us down on any level be it emotionally, physically, spiritually... . . And hope that by doing so, we put more love and light into the cosmos and slowly one interaction at a time, lift the vibrations of those around us so that one day we may all operate from a place of love, peace and harmony. . . ❤
I went for a wander up a hill today and took a moment to ponder. . . We ourselves, are the only one's who know by way of a feeling, what our actual true path in life is. We may not know everhthing about it right now, we may know tomorrow or next month or next year. But, when the time is right, you will. . . If what you are doing now doesn't feel fulfilling anymore, or you are bored out of your mind, or it no longer drives you out of bed in the mornings, then perhaps it is time to relook at the path you are travelling on. . . And then decide if that path is still you, is it still heading in the direction you want it to go, or is it time to rethink your direction and consider a change? . . Subscribe to www.lauraalonewolf.com to follow my journey of discovering my true life path ❤
I was at work and one of my work mates who had clocked off for the day was looking through the latest news on her phone. . . She proceeded to tell me about what a group of men had done to a young, innocent girl over in the Middle East somewhere. . . I found myself feeling so much anger, hatred, resentment and every other negative emotion under the sun towards them. . . But then I realised that this only adds fuel to their fire, it is what motivates and encourages them to do the evil that they do. . . And that perhaps instead, if I sent waves of love their way that maybe, just maybe it could make a difference. ❤
I've gained a new found interest in Taoism thanks to my regular acupuncturist appointments. . . The concept of Wu Wei is a pertinent one for those of us unfamiliar with it. . . It is about action that doesn't come from any struggle or major effort from ourselves. It is about going with the flow of the Universe in such a way that we move effortlessly through our flow of life. . . I would like to strive for more of Wu Wei in my life. Type 'yes' below if you agree and tag a friend who could benefit from more Wu Wei in their life.
Today I realised just how important it is to find peace and contentment with your life and how it presents itself in the here and now. And to not to be so focused on what others have and on what others are doing that you lose sight of who you are, and all you are currently achieving. There is so much peace to be found in acceptance and in trusting of the process.