When that feeling hits you like a tonne of bricks, that something’s wrong, doesn’t feel right, or you’re just overwhelmed, the first thing you need to do is ACKNOWLEDGE it. — Take that power back and make it yours because you’re the only one who can change how you feel about any given situation. — You got this!
. FEAR. That is the chain I need to break free from, the one thing holding me prisoner in my own recovery. And I am the only one holding that key. . I'm doing "things" that I need, to move forward in my healing process, but then I hit a brick wall. I felt stagnant, even though I continued my daily practice of "things", & wondered why? Little did I know that brick wall I hit was built by myself. . One simple, yet complicated/imprisoning word...fear. My fear has grown over the years, to the point of extreme limitations & OCD tendencies. I check the doors constantly when I'm at home & worry when I leave that they aren't all locked. I always need to have the drapes closed. Every loud or "not known" noise sends me into a "startle response" & my mind starts to race, always to the "what ifs". I'm scared to go for walks by myself, scared to go to concerts or places with large crowds, scared of flying, scared of heights, always need to be overly prepared for anything. I'm scared to take that "leap of faith" in life/myself. My life has morphed into one of living like a prisoner within my "walls" of fear. . The thing is, I'm not fearful of the future & what it might hold, I'm fearful of my past repeating itself. Of trauma repeating itself. Of certain hardships repeating themselves. Of ME making the same mistakes again. So, ever so slowly & unconsciously, over the years I built my walls up & didn't even realize the true reasons why. I would make excuses for EVERYTHING to avoid doing it. Each excuse was just another "brick" in my wall. . The funny part is, I've always been fearful, but in the past I still did those things anyway. I now think back & no matter what happened, God was always there. He was always by my side, even when I tried to die by suicide, He wouldn't let me. No matter the trauma, abuse, joblessness, homelessness or hopelessness, He always guided me through &, eventually, helped me see the lesson/reason in it. . Doing the "things" in my healing process isn't